Scratch End-New Year Resolutions

It’s that time of the year again when we sit and re evaluate ourselves. Think about the year, the good and the bad. What we could have done better, what we need to work on next year. What we need to get rid of  as the new year starts. But then I asked myself, how many times do people really follow and keep up the resolutions they make at the end and start of each year? I can personally say I don’t. So I have come to a conclusion that I will not be making any resolutions this end year-new year period, simply because none of them make sense.

I look back at the things I have done and achieved this year and none of them were part of my resolutions at the start of the year, none of them. So why limit myself when I can just be an open book living a life with no expectations and no commitments and just taking life as it comes?

So much happened this year that I can write a whole book about it. The growth that I have experienced in me as a person is amazing! The realization that life will take you as you come, that mother nature treats you as you tell her to. These are some of the things I have learned this year:

A) On Life

You own your life! You are in control of your life. Life will give you what ask it to. There is no manual to life. You are in total control of your life. Your thoughts will form into real life. So if you think you are total crap, life will give you total crap. If you think you deserve better and work hard to get it, life will give you exactly that. But one thing life will not do is give you hand you things on your lap. Life is hard work with no entertainment to lazy people!

B)On Career.

Just like life, you own your career. Nobody is going to put things on your lap unless you work hard for them. And just like life, there are many obstacles along the way. This will include people who pretend to have your back but still be the first ones to stab you in the back. But like life, if you don’t give out crap to career, you will  not get crap . Women will have to work twice as hard and stop being so darn afraid to ask for more recognition when they think they deserve it, and not stop until they get the recognition.  Women, just like men can have a balance between career and family life, if only we can stop being so afraid to tackle this head on! You think you deserve something, ask for it, fight for it, hell demand it (if you have earned it), and  never stop until you get what you think you are worth, because if you don’t fight your battles for yourself, nobody will!

C)On Friendship

Friendship has different purposes. Friendship has different cycles. And each friendship is different from the other. Each friendship you have with each individual is absolutely unique and is meant to serve different purposes in life. Some friendship is meant to be seasonal, some for life. Some friends are meant to come to your life to lift you up when you are down and when their lifting work is done, they are meant to go-let them go. Some friends are meant to come into your life so that you can lift them up when they are down. When your lifting work is done, you are meant to leave-let them go. Some friends come into your life only to celebrate a particular high phase in your life, when the celebration is done-let them go.  Some friends are meant to hold your hand when you cry and only cry with you, when the tears are gone-let them go. Some friends are meant to only have 3 or 4 drinks with you while you make fools of yourselves fall off bar stools while having a good time, when the drinking is done and you sober up-let them go. Some  friends are only for road trips, some for dance lessons, some for partying over new year, some for banging your head when you loose focus, some to come eat your food and go away, some to only take sneak preview of your life every once in a while. A few friends are meant to stay in your life forever. Bottom line every friend you have has a different purpose in your life and you in their life. It’s ok to let go of friendship that has served it’s purpose and finished it’s work…let it go…

D)On Love

Love is amazing! Love is scary! Love can hurt sometimes! But love is so good. There is so much love in this world for those who attract love. There is enough love to be shared with everyone. There is enough love for everyone! Love will come to you if you have an open heart. You can’t force it, you got to open your heart, have no expectations, no demands, no bad feelings.. just pure open heart. And when you are purely ready, love will come to you., but you can never force it.  If you can’t give love, you can’t receive love either. Without taking the risk of being vulnerable, you will not experience that deep pure love!

E)On Family.

You can never replace your blood family! But people don’t need to be blood to be family. Family is the most reliable friendship you can ever build! Family will stand by you no matter what if you can stand by them! Just like friendship, family also needs respect and boundaries.

A mother is irreplaceable! No love can be as pure and flawless as a mother’s love. She has no expectations, no demands, no hidden agenda, just pure unconditional love!

A father’s love is one of the most special love! Fathers are meant to be tough cookies and don’t do so well in expressing their love in words, yet they will be the first person to take a bullet for you!

A brother and sister love is something you can never explain! The love-hate-fight that can turn into rage and turn is so much admiration and intense love the next minute is something that can not be explained! I can not imagine my life without family.

F)On Giving

“You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you’’-John Bunyan.

We have so much in abundance! We have enough for everyone. But yet, people postpone doing something to help someone in need. The right time will never come. You might think what you are doing is so small and trivial, but that small act of love can save a life, lift a spirit and make somebody’s life much better than you would have imagined. Try to give back no matter how small. Strive to leave this world a better place than you found it.

And finally….About Myself.

I can do anything I set my mind on.It’s ok to can say what I want to say while being mindful or other people. It’s ok to  say how I feel. It’s ok to be totally vulnerable. It’s ok to open up my heart and let love in. It’s ok to let go of friendship that has served it’s purpose. It’s ok to stand up for myself and what I believe in even when the world doesn’t agree with me. It’s ok to speak the truth even when it’s too painful.  It’s ok to love myself so selflessly and unconditionally and still have love for everyone else. It’s ok to fight for what I deserve. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to laugh until my stomach hurts. I am a very strong woman and that’s totally ok, but it’s also ok if my walls crumble down sometimes and I feel weak.

It’s totally ok to be called a Feminist because of strongly believing in women rights, children rights, and human equality in general. It’s ok not to be liked by everyone. It’s ok not to like everyone.

It’s absolutely ok to be this strong willed, strong minded, strong character, totally stubborn African woman, because that’s who I am. It’s ok to always speak my mind as long as I remember that I have no control whatsoever about the reaction the other person will have or act.It’s ok to be me, because this is what and who I am and there is no replacement!

Years will come and go. Don’t waste time making plans on things that you might not live to see. Live your life now!  You don’t know what tomorrow brings. Touch somebody’s life today, don’t wait until next year to do something. Throw way those new year resolutions and start living your life now!

From now on..scratch those resolutions!

 

Take a Minute..

Take a minute to think, Take a minute to feel,
Take a minute to breathe,Take a minute to smile,
Take a minute to laugh, Take a minute to close your eyes,
Take just one minute to appreciate all life has given you!

We are all so busy,Always seem to be on the run,
We are all so sad, Always looking for the bad,
We are all so gloomy, Always shutting out the life’s sun,
We are all so teary,Always focusing on the pain.

Wouldn’t it be easy, If we say ‘thank you’ more,
Wouldn’t it be easy, If we hugged each other more,
Wouldn’t it be easy, If we touched one another more,
Wouldn’t life be much better if we could just connect!

Wrapped up in the mess, Of footprints we leave behind,
Wrapped up in the headaches, Of trying to make it in life,
Wrapped up in the first lane, Of wanting to have it all,
Wrapped up in all the clutter we keep collecting as we go along!

Why don’t we just stop, And look at ourselves in the mirror,
Why don’t we just stop, And pat ourselves on the back.
Why don’t we just stop, And say ‘ You turned out well’
Why don’t we just stop and appreciate the moment we have now!

Before you know it, You lost the job that you worshipped,
Before you know it, Your kids no longer recognize you,
Before you know it, Your friends are long gone,
Before you know it life just walked right past you without flinching!

You are here now,Appreciate yourself!
You are here now, Enjoy today,
You are here now, love yourself unconditionally,
You are here now stop watching life passing you by!

So stop! Take a minute!
You have done well for yourself!
Start loving yourself!Start living!

Copyright© 2013 Martha Mghendi


My Birthday Wish…..

I promised myself I wasn’t going to make it sentimental. Actually, I said I wasn’t even going to celebrate, after all it’s just another day right? I mean, why celebrate birthdays year after year?  Why not celebrate just every day of your life? What is in number 33? Yes, your guess right..I am an old woman! 33 years old today! I thought my life was over when I turned 26..then thought I was going to die when I turned 30!. But look at me now! 33 bloody years and I am still standing! How on earth would I not celebrate? So scratch that!!! I will be damned if I don’t celebrate this day! I have so many things to be grateful for!

I mean look at me! I turned out well..I turned out into the fine woman my mum hoped for! I can never be half the woman she is, neither can I be half the woman my grandma( bless her soul) and my aunts were! They are fine women! Strong women! Women of character! Women with golden hearts that will just melt you away! But I don’t want to be my mum.or my grandma..or my aunt..or my cousin..or my sister…I want to be me!They all want me to be ME! I am carved into my own being…my own self soul..and being an individual and being individuals is what makes us human..so I am going to celebrate ME!

I can’t say that it was an easy year.I would be lying! Some months sucked donkey balls! Going through a divorce in a foreign country is one of the toughest periods any person can go through! We shy away from talking about divorces..our cultures prohibits us from talking about it. We shy away, we feel isolated, society shuns us out, our ‘friends’ run away from us, our relatives are too embarrassed to associate with us.We have this stupid shame associated with divorce! But tell you what, I stopped caring the minute I decided to start my life..to be happy…to go out there and explore the world..to take a chance of starting all over again..to be ready to be classified as a ‘divorcee’…yes I am a divorcee…and you know what I don’t give two shits about it!

But it wasn’t so bad really..I mean I had a very very good support network of friends. I learnt what true friendship is. I learnt the meaning of family support. I learnt that it was ok to cry, it was ok to feel sad, it was ok to feel a looser, it was ok to want the world to open up and swallow you up, it was ok to hurt like mad and not be able to do anything to stop it, it was ok to reach out for help, it was ok to be fragile, it was ok to just let it go. But then I learnt to smile again..to laugh, to appreciate..to be me, to speak up my mind and be ok with it, to be responsible for me and my actions, to be responsible for and take ownership of my feelings and emotions. The growth that I experienced during my divorce can never amount to the growth I have had the past 33 years of my life!  I am grateful for that!

Good things did happen last year..I mean bloody good things did happen! I got rid of extra baggage in my life( people who pull you down), I fell in love again( still in cloud nine), I strengthened my friendship with real true friends, I made new friends, I got promoted( starting new job in October)..but the most amazing thing that keeps me smiling all day…official registration  of Beyond Innocence Foundation( BIF). It breaks my heart to hear about the tales of abuse cases in Taita and the world as a whole.Physical, mental, psychological and sexual abuse of minors.  The number of minors going through such horrible acts will break your heart. It tears my heart to pieces to see kids go through this. I can not help all the children in the world..but I hope I can save a few souls, I hope I can make a small difference and help them heal the unseen wounds. I hope that I can help just one kid, if only one to sleep well at night in peace knowing that she/ he doesn’t need to go through the horrible act of abuse forever.  The statistics of minors being abused by guardians are shocking.  We all can make our small difference, we can save a child’s soul..we can give a second chance to enjoy their childhood…we can make a difference. It will take my years with my savings to get the home ready. I already have the land..ground work has already started..but without your help to build this home quicker, poor souls will still have suffer in hands of abusers. So my birthday wish this year is only one thing that I am asking from my friends, colleagues,family, business associates and anyone out there- PLEASE JOIN ME. Let us build a safe home for these poor souls. Let’s give these kids a chance to life, a chance to education, a chance to safety, a chance to sleep without worry, a chance to life without tears, a chance to laugh again, a chance to just be children! Let’s give them their lives back. We can never undo what has been done to these kids, but we can hold their hands and walk with them through the healing journey. PLEASE JOIN ME.

If you would like to help, please visit our website: www.beyondinnocence.org

Thank you for granting my birthday wish :-)

I will Drink To That

Here is to the love I have had this year! Here is to the more love awaiting me next year,
Here is to the drama I had this year,Here is to the less and less drama I will have next year,
Here is to Euros I made this yea,Here is to more Euros I will make next year,
Here is to challenges I have faced this year, Here is to the tougher challenges coming my way next year,
Here is to the decisions I had to make this year, Here is to more I have to make next year,
Here is to the job I have come to love though it can kill me :-), Here is colleagues that drive me crazy sometimes but I have come to love,
Here is to the friends I have lost, Here is to the new wonderful friends I have made and will make next year
Here is to the wonderful family I have ,Here is to them standing by my side no matter what,
Here is to my ”boys” and ”girls” for ALWAYS being there for me,
Here is to the people who have stuck with me in these so many years(with my screw ups)
Here is to my International Almere Family,Cremers Family,Sista Sistas Family,Harderwijk & Amersfoort Expat Families,
But most of all, here is to you Martha , For being true to your friends
For being true to your family, For being true to people who genuinely care about you,
For standing up for you and what you believe in,
For keeping your head up in times you wanna bury it in the sand.
For keeping on moving when going through ”hell”, For believing in you more than anyone else,
But most important, here is to you for growing up, for letting in, for letting go, for giving in,
For getting totally comfortable in your own skin, your own YOU,
Here is to you for loving YOU unconditionally!Happy New Year To You All Amazing people in my life! I will drink to that!

Just A Kiss….

Lips desert dry,eyes so lifeless,

I can’t say I am angry, maybe I am an actress,

Emotions gone wary,filled up with sickness,

Built up through the century,I think it’s time to confess,

Do I need an actuary, or maybe an abbess,

To get me out of this almonry,before I get all aggress,

Trying to show my bravery,I should just mind my business,

I became my own adversary,but I want is really just a kiss…

 

Copyright©2011 Martha Mghendi

About Me

One very stubborn strong headed African woman!

My childhood friends would call me shy..my high school friends would say I am too passive..my real friends would say I am too stubborn..my mother would say I am one strong and determine young lady..my dad would say I am very proud( forgetting I got that from him)..my grandmother(bless her soul) would say I am the best cook she ever met…my brothers would tell you they can’t figure me out..my sisters would say I worry too much..my aunts and uncles and all those people who raised me would say I am unique,my own person. That’s what I would like to believe too. I am my own unique person. Everything about me is unique, authentically mine..so I would like to welcome you to my world.Come share my thoughts, feelings, hopes,dreams, fears and ambitions with me. Come share this part of me that I hold so dear to me…

Copyright© 2011 Martha Mghendi

Anger Driven

Sitting on the floor staring at the wall,
My eyes not moving not even blinking,
Wishing I could fold my emotions into a roll,
Throw them away or send them packing,

Curled up in a posture looking like a doll,
My heart so cold it’s not even paining,
The only thing I can seem to do is loll,
I feel so tired since all I do is keep running.

Images appear reminding me of the past,
When things were so good and I lived in heaven,
Before I interpret them they move on in hast,
Keeping up the pace only hurts my abdomen,

I wish I can manage the memories accost,
Instead of sitting here looking like an alien,
The closest I get is always ”almost”,
Maybe it’s because I am very anger driven.

Copyright© 2010 Martha Mghendi

Someday…

I can not explain the pain, the emptiness that fills the void,
As I open my eyes again,I just want the light to avoid,
Would want the ache to restrain,supress this feeling of paranoid,
Free my heart from imaginary chain,and print ”never again” in the taploid.

But wouldn’t that make me a fool,scared shitless of the world to explore,
Or maybe could cause me drool,of all the spirits I could  chance to adore,
How could I my poor  heart befool,forgetting I have been there before,
If only I could make this heat to cool, save my poor self from an eyesore.

Who dared call this innocent  heart cruel,for trying thyself to protect,
Caused the atteries discard enough gruel,instead of having its strength recollect,
Couldn’t you replenish it with some fuel,enough for the veins to reconnect,
Help this heart stop this duel, and all the negative vibes reject.

I pain I hurt I cry,but no voice comes out of my throat,
As I lay on this bed so dry,trying to keep my emotions afloat,
Seems I pain for all my ancestry,so strong that it makes me bloat,
And that makes me my own adversary,wishing I could run away on a sailboat.

Someday I hope all this will end,the inner peace thy heart to shield,
Close my eyes and feel the spirit accend,and wave goodbye to the battlefield,
Only then I can dare the heart amend,with the much dignity it always upheld,
Then I will finally comprehend,all the treasures love does indeed yield!

Copyright ©2010 Martha Mghendi